The Walking Dead

I love this show prodigiously - it does a great job with most of its women, esp. Carol, has a pretty diverse cast, and has great emotional arcs -  but I find I really struggle with the fact that it’s a horror program, when I want it to be sci-fi. Basically, everything always goes to worst-case scenario, which I find annoying, and even worse,I keep fact-checking them. It’s just not working.

Them: Zombies everywhere instant plague!

Me: Really? This “disease” makes no sense. And like rabies, v. hard to spread. Even with the new “herding” concept where zombies seem to work together en masse and target areas/person so that you can’t escape, it’s hard to see them as a threat. This isn’t even going into the biology of rotting bodies. I know you mutated the virus later, but still. You should have stolen the “it’s a spore/spreads in the air” concept from The Last of Us, where the infected are still alive and simply just like the ants who get the very real fungal infection, and go around trying to spread the spores like the diligent fungal slaves they are until they die and explode spores everywhere, infecting a nice radius. Oh, well. Pretending not to see.

Them: Modern military could not defeat them!

Me: [sighs] You are defeating them with sticks, people. Our military has a wee bit more. Fine. We’ll stick with the mystery of how this somehow took hold, which was not shown to us. We’re pretending we don’t see this plot hole. Very hard. *tries not to see*

Them: It’s like half the population is dead!

Me: Really? Because you’re showing like 4 people surviving in a whole town. It’s looking like a 99.99% death rate. Maybe add another 9 in there.

Them: Oh the horror! They are massing together and will break down the fence!

Me: There’s like 50 of them. Bring 10 people out and start poking them with sharp sticks through the fence. Then proactively dig some pits and put up more of those wooden stake preventatives you’ve used before and occasionally drop by to dispose of caught zombies, or even dig a nice grid of prairie dog holes around the perimeter with a post-hole maker to break their legs and leave them stranded - again, you can drop by occasionally to put them out of their misery. Or make flame throwers out of hair spray and a lighter, although that will take a bit more work to avoid it spreading. But hey, in a pinch. Seriously, you people have veterans around and you can’t figure this out? Or make the zombies more threatening. Please. I’m having trouble focusing on the story.

Them: the CDC is incompetent and self-destructing!

Me: Have some respect.

Them: There are no antibiotics anywhere 18 months into the outbreak ahhh! And they’re expiring!

Me: Really? Cause you keep showing deserted towns and no survivors. Every CVS is emptied? Every clinic, hospital, veterinary locale, urgent care, medical warehouse, pharmacy…? Also,expiration dates are pretty flexible with many antibiotics except for a handful of exceptions. Your doctors on the show would know this, esp. the field combat vets.

Them: Bare shoulders are an apocalyptic fashion statement!

Me: Dude, raid a mall or an REI. A leather jacket, neck wrap, and some gaters would save you from like 80% of your casualties. Human teeth not that good at biting through multiple layers of protection.

Them: Such a diverse cast of survivors! But only one of whom is gay and arrives in season 4!

Me: Really?

Them: All survivors lack medical conditions except for that guy with stage 4 lung cancer and that one kid with asthma, each of whom we saw for two seconds! 

Me: Because allergies are automatically a death sentence…? I mean, really, I’d expect that early on all kinds of folks with all kinds of medical problems are alive.

Them: Doctors! We need doctors!

Me: Dentists! You need dentists! (And vitamins and iodized salt and tampons and floss! LOTS OF FLOSS!)

We are at such odds.